still jonesin'

I've not had sugar since 1/5/12, but the craving still there. It's mostly dormant, until I drove past Bess' today. There's a girl there named Robin, and she bakes the best damn Hershey Kiss cookies ever!! I struggled to pass it by. My minds eye envisioning the little tan and brown delights, so sweet, so delicious! I had to focus, really focus on the memory of neck pain, on the degradation of my muscles, and on the knowledge of the devastating effects of sugar. It didn't make it easier to pass by Bess', but it made it possible. Possible is the most I can ask for.

Crawling out of the basement

Cheesy and I went to the cleveland clinic on Tuesday to find out what was wrong with my neck. The drive was worth it because it turns out there's nothing wrong with my neck except some muscle strain. Doctor said definitely no cancer. Of course cancer is the first thing we worry about when something feels like it's just not right. Why is that? Anyway well I'm glad there is no cancer I do think there's more going on my neck than just muscle strain. And whatever it is it's my body's way of telling me that it is has had enough of sugar. Sugar--my nemesis. Its power overnight me is akin to heroins power over a junkie. I am a sugar junkie, a well informed sugar junkie but a sugar junkie nonetheless.
I've been clean now since january fifth. At the beginning of the year my neck pain was raging. Now it's all but cleared up, with just a little ache here and there. On January fifth I could barely lift my arms over my head without extreme fatigue. Yesterday I hung up all my laundry without any problems. Could sugar have been that devastating to my body? The more research I do the more the answer is yes. For some reason my 3 week Christmas cookie binge settled into my neck. I'm sure I'll never get a diagnosis, but since I've been sugar free I feel like a new person, like crawling out of a dark, damp basement. The sun's shining and I think I'll hang out for a few more decades.

NAAFA Reject

The National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance rejected my book because they said I still have body issues. That's okay. Yes I will always be haunted by body issues. Who among us is totally free of them? Perhaps the question should be, Who is willing to admit she is not free of body issues?
This is where the rejection gets sticky. As a writer and a human on this planet, I'm used to rejection. But the NAAFA reason is suspect. Are they claiming that every member of their organization is absolved of body issues? I've spent most of my life in a fat body, and I find this difficult to digest. I know thin people who have body issues; models have body issues. Perhaps NAAFA members have developed some sort of mysterious Teflon coating, and are untouched by insecurities.
I wonder if a pill was discovered tomorrow that guaranteed a thin and healthy body within a year, how many NAAFA members would turn it down? Just wondering.