It's been almost a year since Susie died. How I miss her. When I read my memoir, the numerous parts about Susie rip my heart to shreds. I read them at her funeral. Sometimes I feel so alone without her. I try so hard to relive every moment with her, remembering her beauty, her faults, her physical and emotional transformations throughout her too-short life.
I no longer have the measuring stick for my own self-esteem that Susie was. I always felt she was more beautiful than me, through no Provocation on her part. She always tried to protect me from the world. I still hear her endless giggle, still feel her strong hands on my shoulder, and I still feel the instinct to follow her. She was always the leader, my mentor, my dearest cousin.
Susie acted like being large was no skin off her back, but then she almost died from gastric bypass surgery. I think the surgery had a hand in her final demise ten years later. If she wasn't so weakened by years of post-surgery nutritional deprivation, she may have survived the fall that killed her. But her once-strong bones were like chalk, her former athletic muscles were weak and flabby, her brilliant teeth were gone. I would never recommend this surgery to anyone, ever.
The fact of the matter is this--GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY HAS A HIGH PROPENSITY TO LEAVE YOU WITH DISORDERED EATING SIMILAR TO THE DISORDERED EATING THAT PUTS THE WEIGHT ON IN THE FIRST PLACE. I wholeheartedly agree with NAAFA's statement that this surgery is akin to forced anorexia. All people need to attend to nutrition. PERIOD! Who gives a crap about how fat you are? Fat simply means efficient. Your body does what it's supposed to do, and it does it well. Try to be as healthy as you can, even if you're a size 22. If somebody comments on your weight, simply smile, shake their hand and say, "Fuck you, fuck you very much!"
I love you and miss you Susie.
